


Let Me Take Care of You

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-2x05, Self-Reflection, Tag to 2x02, Vulnerable Mario
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8465827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: Angus took Mario home after letting him sob in his arms. As he watched his friend sleep, the resident reflects on the care Mario had given him months after Mike's fall and thinks of his feelings for Mario.





	

_Let Me Take Care of You_

Angus took Mario home. It took all his energy to not make Mario talk. His friend, silent and slightly shaking as his sobs decreased in volume, remained motionless as he continued to lie his head across Angus’ chest. For a moment, the second-year resident thought about bringing Mario closer. But, Mario was already close. He could hear Mario’s grief-filled breath making small gaps of warmth against his chest, and Angus resisted the urge to say something.

              Angus could still remember of how Mario had tried to push him away. _“I’m fine,”_ the dark-haired resident continued to say as the fellow second-year attempted to comfort him. _I want to hold you._ The thought came unexpectedly, like a wisp of a thought that would come when he had been in rehab, thinking of Mario. Angus had never said thank you to the friend who had saved him from himself. He wanted to. He wanted to, at that time when his blue eyes could see the agitation in his friend as he talked to his father, lying dead in the morgue.

              But instead, Angus had said, _“Come here.”_

Sobs had shaken Mario, making Angus having to tighten his grip on his arms as Mario sobbed his grief, his disappointment, his… _everything_ onto a person he exposed himself to. A year ago, Angus didn’t think that this situation would be possible. That he would hold Mario in his arms, embracing him, as he cried like a lost child. With every gasp of breath and sob that shook from Mario’s mouth, a sharp agony tore through Angus’ chest. It took all his energy to not pull Mario closer. To not try to stroke his hair.

              For several minutes, Mario continued to sag against him. His sobs had stopped, and deep breathing remained of what was left on the surface of the grief following Vincent Savetti’s sudden death. Angus watched Mario as he stood, his dark brown eyes bloodshot and heavy with exhaustion.

              “Sorry,” he croaked. Angus’ head snapped towards him, and opened his mouth to say something. But his voice failed him at the sight of the broken and confused look on Mario’s face.

              _No, I’m sorry._

Neither of them had said anything when Angus had taken him to his apartment. He was aware of wary eyes watching him and Mario as they exited Angels out into the parking lot. But although he saw Dr. Rorish looking at both with wisdom coming from too much death in her eyes, Angus couldn’t stop to talk to her and apologize for what an ass he had been the past couple of months.

              The ride was silent as Angus slide into the driver’s seat. His blue eyes wandered over to his friend, his skin prickling at the sight of Mario simply looking ahead, the vacant eyes were something that Angus had never seen before. He remembered the time when the dark-haired resident had told him to stand up for his brother. That he had made Angus in charge of his medical decisions if such a situation would occur. _You were always…_

              “I don’t understand,” Mario whispered. His voice was quiet, rasping and almost inaudible. His dark brown eyes were looking at something, something that Angus wished he could see so he could comfort his friend. “I…hated the bastard. So…I don’t know why…” Tears were appearing in his eyes, thick and about to fall down onto his cheeks. The emotional agony that his – that Mario was having in his head, pulled at Angus’ heart. He stared at Mario’s face. Without thinking, he wrapped his bigger hand around Mario’s.

              Mario looked at him, the tears ceasing at the feeling of a warm and kind hand across his own. For a moment, familiar silence covered the grief hovering over them. Neither said a word. Angus was pulling up to his apartment now, but both the driver and the passenger stayed where they were.

* * *

 

              _I never want to see that face ever again._

              Angus was sitting across from his bed. Mario had let go of his hand as he moved to open the car door hours before. For some reason, Angus felt an empty feeling well inside of his chest as Mario’s warmth faded away. Even now, his hand could still feel Mario's warmth in his hands and fingers. It was...surprisingly blissful. He didn’t know exactly why. Perhaps it was because he had felt, for the first time, Mario’s body against his own. Even in grief, his body was warm and he heard the palpations of Mario’s heart against his chest. Never before had Angus shared such an intimate moment with another person. Even with Mike, Angus had always seen his older brother as the white knight, capable of protecting everyone from danger and not capable of any wrong-doing. He had never shared his fears with Angus. The only time his younger brother remembered Mike crying was in childhood. No had…ever truly shown themselves truly to Angus. Malaya had tried to keep it together after Carla had died and Gordon had attacked her, and even if he – who was struggling himself – wasn't confided in.

              _Mario…_

How long had it been since Angus had thought of anyone but himself? How long, truly? Mike had fallen over twenty feet months ago, but even before then…Angus wasn’t himself. Even back then, when the resident was becoming addicted to Adderall, Mario had helped him. Had _saved_ him. Who knew where he would be now if Mario hadn’t known the signs? It had been a couple of hours since Angus and Mario had arrived at the apartment. The second-year resident had told Mario that he had to eat something – even if it was a piece of molded cheese. Angus remembered of how he had pushed a plate of ham and cheese with water towards Mario as the dark-haired man said nothing and stared at the plate listlessly.

              Mario had protested, telling Angus that he wasn’t hungry. But Angus had persisted. He knew what grief tasted like, of how sometimes you simply couldn’t eat. You felt too numb to do anything. _Even if I have to feed you, you have to eat._ The thought, like so many others, came so quickly Angus didn’t know what to make of them. Thankfully Mario appeared well enough to eat the small sandwich Angus had made him. Would he truly feed Mario? Angus gulped at the thought, imagining of what it would have been like feeding Mario spoonful by spoonful of food like a crap romance drama. Mario had told him that he didn’t want to bother with a shower, so Angus had told him to sleep.

           The dark-haired man had not buried himself under the covers as Angus thought he would, but lied on his side. The light-haired man watched the other carefully, seeing the rise and fall of his chest as he looked across from the open door. It took only moments for Mario to fall asleep.

          A couple of minutes had passed when Angus had sat in the chair across from his bed. He pulled the alarm clock from its socket and set it down on the ground. His eyes wandered over to Mario, whose deep breathing now comforted him that he was asleep.

         Now as Angus had a single moment, he pulled his head to his hands.

        His forefinger and thumb caressed his jaw, trying to cage in the emotions that he had inside of him since he had heard that Mario’s father had died.

        Mario kept on saying that he was okay, but he wasn’t okay. Angus knew that a part of Mario was devastated that his father, the one who was always wanting money and telling him that he was a disappointment, had died. Right in front of him.

        And Mario had to make the call.

 _I should have been there._ Angus should have grown up and realized that there was more to life than what was happening to Mike. He was so caught up in his own minefield that he didn’t even ask Dr. Rorish of what was going on with the others. Nor Mario, who had been the one to convince him that Mike needed him to make the decision. He was the one who kept on telling Angus that Mike was going to be okay. Angus sighed from deep in his chest as he remembered those hell months that seemed to blur together. Every day, after the shift was over, Angus visited his brother. Since the day that Mike had breathed on his own, Mario had started coming with him every time. He didn’t say the reason why. Mario remained silent, allowing Angus to simply stare at Mike’s rise and fall of his chest, or cry silent tears.

_I never want to see that face again._

        Angus had never thought that he would understand what it meant to feel more pain than the one you cared for was feeling. When he saw Mario’s face, vacant and bloodshot with tears running down his face, hearing his sobs and his _pain_ , that was what his mother was talking about when you feel more pain when someone you love is suffering. Never again did Angus want to see Mario’s face like that. The sight of it caused Angus’ heart to writhe in waves of guilt and pain and suffering.

       “Let me take care of you,” he whispered. Angus was certain that his voice was almost inaudible, rasping as if he was the one grieving as Mario slept on his bed. “Please…let me take care of _you_.” A sharp pain entered his eyes as tell-tale signs of crying appeared. “Mario, I haven’t truly been here. You’ve…always, been by my side since Adderall, haven’t you?”

        The memory of the late-night calls, Mario never telling him that he was tired. Talking for hours. Crying about the craving and the withdrawal effects. Angus didn’t want Mario to come to rehab because he didn’t want his friend to see him this way. And Mike…

       When all went to hell…

       “And me.” Angus whispered. “And me, what did I do for you? I didn’t thank you, not really, for what you did for me.” A strangled sob tore from Angus’ throat at the memory of Mario protecting him when he should have just –! “I could had lost my license that day. Abusing drugs isn’t…good, Mario. And you knew it.” Angus tried to keep his hands from shaking, but they just didn’t stop. “You knew it, and you still helped me. And I…” Tears fell from his eyes. “I treated you so horribly. And I didn’t even thank you for what…”

       Mario was still sleeping. Angus didn’t usually think about what a person looked like when they slept, but Mario’s sleeping face prompted his heart to jolt. He looked peaceful. His dark hair looked smooth and his face…was beautiful. Angus desperately wanted to touch Mario now. To make certain that what he was truly feeling for his friend.

      He remembered the lingering glances Mario had been giving him since he had gotten out of rehab. Of how Mario had always seemed…the _happiest_ by his side. Talking or otherwise. And Mario, usually having nothing to say about his family, told Angus that his father had told him that he was a disappointment, and that only he knew him.

      Angus didn’t know he was capable of such anger at Mario’s father’s words. He could see the thinly-veiled pain in Mario’s eyes, so small you couldn’t see it unless you truly knew him. Angus had hotly asked Mario what his father meant by that he was a disappointment. It wasn’t at all about being a doctor; it was the fact that Mario Savetti was a good person, a _kind_ person, and that he was an amazing human being.

           “You love me, don’t you?” The question came out whispered. Angus watched Mario’s face as he said this, mapping with his mind the structure of his face. “And I…am in love with you too.”

            “Angus…?” A voice heavy with sleep echoed in the room. Angus watched with bated breath as he saw Mario’s dark brown eyes search for him. “Angus, what are you…?”

            For a moment, Angus wondered if Mario had heard his confession. By the sleepiness of his eyes, it didn’t appear to be so. Still… Mario’s eyes widened when Angus appeared closer to the bed.

              “I never thanked you for what you did for me, with Adderall and…Mike.”

              The sleep eroded from Mario’s eyes, and he sat up on the covers at Angus’ pained expression.

              “Angus, you don’t _need_ to thank me.” For a moment, a look a barely-concealed fear appeared in his eyes.

              “And why is that?” Angus asked, his voice shaking and attempting to control the emotion in his throat. Mario didn’t answer. Being a former med student who had at one time wanted to become a physiatrist and being a psychology and biology major in college, Angus could see the sings of love on someone. The chemical reactions were very fascinating to Angus, but he thought that he would never truly understand it. Angus touched Mario’s chest. His fingers moved slowly over the cotton of the scrubs until his palm was pressing over Mario’s heart.

              He could feel Mario’s heartbeat against his palm. Searching his eyes, Angus could see Mario’s pupils larger than before. Angus started to smile. The sound of Mario’s heartbeat calmed him. It was a beautiful sound, more…important than anything except Mario’s smile.

              “I think that you helped me because you love me, Mario.” Slowly, Angus began rubbing small circles across Mario’s chest to calm him. _It’s okay,_ he was saying. Mario didn’t run away. He was looking at Angus, as if he was seeing him for the first time again. “It hurt seeing you broken in my arms, and I realized…” Angus whispered, his voice increasing in volume as he stared into Mario’s eyes. “I realized that I never want to see you look like that again. I never want to see such an expression on your face again.”

              “But you’re not – I-” Mario faltered.

              “I remember the patient you told me about. Rose, the transgendered woman.” Angus stared at Mario, relief in his eyes when Mario nodded. “It’s not like the Peregrym therom. None of this is.”

              “Let me take care of you, Mario.” Angus almost pleaded. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been there, but I want to take care of you, the same loving care that you gave me.” The resident swallowed his fear and spoke slowly. “I never want to see that expression on your face because…”

              “I am love with you, Mario.”

              Tears suddenly streaked down the Mario’s eyes. The grieving man tried to quiet his cries, but Angus allowed Mario to shed his tears.

              Their hands entwined. Mario’s tear-streaked face came close to Angus’ own. _I love you too,_ his dark brown eyes said.

              It was a simple kiss. Pressing their lips together, lasting only a few seconds, of complete tenderness before Angus pulled Mario towards him in another embrace. This time, there was nothing to hold back. Angus slowly stroked small and soothing circles across Mario’s back. Mario was breathing slowly across Angus’ chest, a soft sigh escaping from him.

           “I love you…too Angus.” The sound was quiet, almost inaudible. Angus wondered if Mario had ever heard those words spoken to him now, and if he had ever said them to anyone. “More than…than anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was my first love confession for the this couple, so I may have engaged in out-of character behavior. Tell me what you thought!


End file.
